POTF's latest album is PURE GOLD!

All of the Poets of the Fall’s songs give me visions, dreams, whether happy or sad or just for a cool daydream. These reasons are what makes this band so very special to me. Having music around me in my life has been and is very important to me, but having a band actually give me everything I look for in music, is so rare and unusual. The Poets of The Fall do that for me, and for that, I will be always grateful. Not only do I relate to the lyrics (Marko, you are amazing!), but the music (Olli, you are the guitar god, and Captain the keyboard master!) is the perfect match, and the mixing, well, it’s done by the best (cowboy hat off to Captain )."

This is from a review of Poet's latest album, Temple of Thought by  The Tightrope Walker. I am simply blown away and it is such a melding of emotion that I can barely contain myself. Except the final song, just plain fun...

The reviewer's comment on one particular song...oh, this is so powerful to me, I was in tears all day after listening to the song. It has particular relevance for my future, I am acutely aware.

Cradled in Love:
This song is the featured ballad on this album, the first single and the first song made into a video. I love the lyrics, and I see this being sung by one who is leaving, to a former lover, comforting her and convincing her it will be all right, so they can both move on an remember what their love was like, and how she can find it again.
This stanza tells me even though this was not an easy relationship, each person found something he or she needed in it at the time, but that time has passed. The best way to move on is to have the great memories, and know, in her heart, and in his, this love will live on and bring something new to another love.
We took a gamble with this love, like sailing to the storm.
With the waves rushing over to take us, we were battling against the tide.
You were my beacon of salvation. I was your starlight.
It’s sad, although I have read interviews with Marko, and his thoughts on this song is one of comfort and some joy. This sentence, “Do I even dare to speak your name for fear it sounds like, like a lover?”, sounds like the person leaving is distancing himself from the former love by taking over the role of comforting friend. This song reminds me of “No End, No Beginning,” from Alchemy Vol.1, the album released prior to Temple of Thought, and there is not a connection, it gives me the same feeling.

This album, in my opinion is deeper than anything they have previously released. What do you think? You can download it on the itunes store or from Poet's website at  POTF website. I'd love to hear thoughts about this album and write more about it in future.
 

Time to turn focus...

Well, it hurts, mai oui. He's off, I think.

It's time to turn my focus. I've let things get out of control in my home life. My husband and I have been essentially been living separate lives, opposite schedules, taking our daughter on each of them with us. It's time to reorganize, change some things. The final straw occurred last night when dh started making dinner at 9pm and I was trying to settle our daughter in for the night. What kind of a family is this, when the father doesn't get home until 8, no family meal, no family time. Then I disappear and rush around getting everything ready for bed and the next morning. Read books, bottle, sleep. That's it. We rarely spend time alone together, and lately it's been arguing, and when we used to, we always talked of her. Our marriage is degrading. And no, it's not because of this other "thing" I have going.

Ever since, well, for a long time now, I have felt like the breeding mare--I felt he just wanted a baby and now he's so thrilled and obsessed with her that I don't matter any more. He went away on this business trip and when he returned, rushed straight for her. I couldn't help being upset. Ever since the moment she was born, she's become his first priority. Even in the hospital as I was undergoing two blood transfusions after my surgery. He adores her, I understand that. I think my life has irrevocably changed in so many ways and the two of us need to talk about this and make some changes. I want a happy fulfilling marriage and a functional (as opposed to "dysfunctional") family. I have worked hard in the past to ensure that, as I've described already, and I want to fight for it.

The depression has been intense lately, with everything combined. I am not sure how to fight this right now.

Seek You Out

I never listened to these lyrics closely until this morning, and they touched a raw nerve.

Seek You Out (POTF)

Never said you'd promise anything
Never told to trust you blindly
Never thought you'd hurt me either

Never had a chance now ain't that so
Never should've wept when you let go
Never thought you'd push me away

Sad as it may be
I'm glad it's over finally
Speaks volumes of me
When letting go is never easy

So I'll seek you out, just to find myself
And I'll worry 'bout consequences later
I hear you out, till I hear myself
Hear myself in you

Never knew if we were really true
Never thought I'd ever get to you
Never thought I'd end up like this

Never was I stronger than I'm now
Never felt this much a fool somehow
Never had much thought for myself


I think back over my addictive relationship I, and this song fits perfectly. He never promised anything to me, he never told me I could trust him, and I asked, at the very beginning, please be gentle with me when it's over. I don't recall him saying yes to that either. I filled in all the blanks myself, I fooled myself into believing it was intimacy. It was a relationship that wasn't meant to be, and that WAS meant to teach me to be strong. It was one I had to let go of eventually when I didn't think I could. I guess there's still a part of me that tries to hold on a bit. Why else would I still be writing about something that's long past?

Honestly, in the middle of the night I started thinking about him again. And did a web search. Something has changed; he's taking his privacy more seriously now. I didn't come up with much this time, when, in the past, he used to spill his life out on the Internet (of course, I'm more than guilty of that here). I'm actually quite relieved; I think it is a good sign for him. Perhaps things are getting better, perhaps he will find a true, fulfilling relationship--or already has.

These words and the sound of the music express the entirety of our relationship, the negative and the positive, better than anything I could write.

PPD is a tough nut to crack...and more music finds

I've been dying to post all weekend, but it's been a rough one. The little one is teething (I didn't know it would be so bad!) and my PPD went to new lows. At the worst of it, I asked dh if he wanted me to leave the house and stay with my mother. I  had to leave my daughter's care up to him last night, I simply couldn't cope. I feel horrible about my inability to deal with my little girl at times like this.  I am terrified that she's going to remember these times, when I go numb and cold and speak harshly to her.  I am grateful that I have a psychiatrist appt tomorrow and I'm going to call this new therapist my support group told me about. I know I need help, and I want to be a kind, gentle, and loving parent. I don't understand why I can't cope. As awful as it sounds, I do much better during the weeks when I work and have those 10 hours away. Then I pick her up from daycare and we spend a pleasant (or fussy) evening together and I can cope. The weekends are awful. There's no respite. Even though dh takes her most of the time, I feel obliged to be around constantly, to be cleaning the house if I'm not taking care of her, or something.

I feel like I am a cold bitch. Uncaring and narcissistic. And of course, you know where that thinking leads. I think most people who know me would say I'm not these things, but I feel like those negative parts that I inherited from my parents are alive and in control right now.

Dh doesn't understand about PPD. He didn't understand the hormonal changes I went through during the pregnancy, or the breastfeeding pain and bond, and now he thinks if I just sleep for a few nights, I'll be fine. Sleep is part of it, of course, but I sometimes think he looks at me as if I'm just making these things up.

I am grateful though, that he is such a wonderful, patient father. I hope that makes up for me not being 100 percent right now.

During the night when my daughter was sleeping and I was awake (can you say insomia!), I did some searching and listening to music again and I found some gems I want to share.

Did you know there's a demo of Marko Saaresto's first solo album out there? This song is incredible for a DEMO! It's beautiful!  What an amazing voice, wowwowowowowow!!!

Poets of the Fall mentored a band called Phoenix Effect--and their first album released by POTF's independent label, Insomniac, is striking. You can hear POTF's influence--they collaborated on this album, but at the same time, there's raw talent here, too. Two of their songs: the first, King See No Evil (with Marko) and then A Light to Guide You, something that seems to have more of an independent style from POTF. This stuff is pure gold. Everything POTF touches in any way is pure gold!

Medley...

I love discovering music, and I love to share. I tend to force music on people, though, I've realized. I will send them songs or be overly emotional or sappy about certain songs...so in order to curb this restless instinct, I'm posting music here. That way, readers, you can take it or leave it and I'm not pushing anything on you. Some songs bring up a rush of emotion so powerful I almost need to share and I figure this blog is a good a place as any to noninvasively share.

I don't know why this Gothic and symphonic metal and music hailing from northern Europe is so potent for me right now, and has been for the past year. It seems that the older I get, the darker and wilder my taste in music gets--shouldn't the opposite be happening? Some of these German bands are downright scary though, so much pent up anger...I'm much more comfortable with the symphonic ballads of the Finns...

But first, POTF....and yes, I have a massive crush on the lead singer. His voice is HOT, and so is the rest of him...honestly, I think I got really lucky here--my lover reminds me a bit of him : ) A military Marko...and the black cuffs he wears on his wrists, oh man. Okay, here are two videos, the first is more typical POTF, the second is a wild departure, but wow, I love it! 

Next, let's see, ah, the song my designer colleague and I yell at each other daily: Du Hast, Rammestein.

Epica--I love how these bands combine some folk, metal, and operatic themes. This is the most creative music; we really don't have anything like these artists in the United States. <swoon>

 And something traditional to top it off. Nightwish ROCKS! They are so versatile. If only I'd known about the hidden talent in Finalnd when I was living in Scandinavia. Being an immigrant myself, I believed the biased words of the Swedes : ) I still love the Swedes, though. Scandinavians in general have a special place in my heart.

Of course, I can't stop there! One more--Jerico by Subway to Sally. Middle Eastern flavor metal. My ears are so happy : )

Where you least expect...there's someone special

I wake up to the sound of rain upon my sill
Pick up the pieces of my yesterday old thrill
Can I deliver this used up shiver
To how I pronounce my life
And leave it up to faith to go by its own will

Back row to the left
A little to the side
Slightly out of place
Look beyond the light
Where you'd least expect
There's someone special....

And she's here to write her name
On my skin with kisses in the rain
Hold my head and ease my pain
In a world that's gone insane...

All The Way For You

When I listen to certain music, it affects me so much that I have an irresistable urge to share it. Most of what I listen to is heavy, deep, and dark, and given my life circumstances, you can probably understand why that would appeal to me. Every now and then a group catches my ear, and they are so unique, so talented, so versatile that I feel it my duty almost to share.

I've posted videos from Poets of the Fall before. This particular song illustrates their flexibility and creativity. I love music that tantalizes in one direction and then shocks by becoming something different, and All The Way/4U is a perfect example.

You think you are being lulled into something soft, mellow, and calm, but just wait and they will surprise you. Doesn't everyone crave to be loved the way POTF describe here? Just close your eyes and let the sound wash over you.

These guys' music is REAL. Alive and vigorous. Haunting and exhilarating. Everything else pales in comparison.