Anticipation...

The time is getting close and, of course, I am sick. Just a cold, which I won’t let stop me, but I started to wonder if this wasn’t destined to be…the forecast looked to be snow on Saturday and I have a bit of a drive. But no, it will be a perfectly mild day, and I’ve only got a mild cold : ) I will be there.

I found out he will be deploying soon. I really want to see him before he goes, to leave good memories to take with him. He asked me what my favorite scent is, and this is a HUGE change. Last time, he didn’t do anything special for our meeting. He answered the door in his sweats, as if he wasn’t expecting much. He got A LOT more than he expected! But this time, like I said, he’s been making “modifications” to his bedroom, he’s been “shopping” a lot it sounds like, and he asked about scent. He’s been doing a lot of work! Something huge changed after the last meeting. He’s very wishy-washy about it; insinuating that I’m the only one…saying he’s “not going anywhere,” but at the same time reminding me not to get obsessed, that my family comes first. We argued about that one a bit—what is a single, younger guy doing telling ME how to prioritize my life!! Obvious, I have my priorities in the right place. That was overstepping the boundary. 

I’m not at all used to this. He seems perfectly content being a single bachelor, no interpersonal responsibilities. But at the same time, he does want a feminine presence in his life somehow—I asked him what our night would look like if he could choose (he never tells me what he wants), and he said he would like me to come Saturday afternoon and stay the night, leave in the morning. So I said, “granted.” This is a man who, as far as I know, does not like women to stay the night. He can’t sleep with a woman in his bed. Last time, though, he slept pretty well! I brought this up to him and he just smiled, that cocky, crooked smile…I am flattered that he can sleep next to me. Not that I want him to be sleeping at all! It was quite lovely last time, he spooned me and laced his fingers through mine, curled up tightly against me. I, of course, being an insomniac, didn’t sleep at all, but I loved that feeling of intimacy. I remember how he held my face and kissed me, told me that he loved having me there, and stood at the doorway, lifted his hand, and watch me drive away. Such a serious look on his face—the memory still sends shivers down my spine.

I wonder what it will be like this time.