Please Don't Leave Me by Pink

One of my favorite songs, Pink "Please Don't Leave Me"--I found this comment under the youtube video:

"I wonder how many people get this video. It's usually the man who plays Pink's role but I think it was ingenious of her to play the role herself instead of playing the victim. It's about abuse and narcissism. It's about selfish self-centeredness. It's about control freak behavior. It's not about female power, it's about abusive relationships."

I discovered Pink while I was at the Caron recovery program--I think she's  quite flamboyant, but speaks for victims of domestic abuse and addiction. I probably mentioned it before, but this is the song my group therapists played "accidentally" for me at the end of the program. I personally don't believe it was any accident! The first time I listened to the lyrics closely, I recognized myself and it scared the crap out of me. That's exactly how I was with one person. "You're my perfect little punching bag. I need you. I'm sorry." But these things aren't one-sided; they're very complex and it's part of the karmic relationship; I've known that for a long time. I was both the perpetrator and the victim. That's the relieving thing about my current lover--there is no karmic revenge in the background, waiting to play itself out.

After those four years, out of the blue one day (he'd been seeing many women for the past four years, this was a very casual thing), he "proposed": "I want you as my lover, ----, you." He'd finally made up his mind, I guess. I didn't know there was anything to make up his mind about. Our meetings are so infrequent and he was never vocal about anything up until then. I've since found out what a deep, damn smart (absolutely gifted-physically, academically, artistically...I had no idea!) person he is. It's like the Irish ballad about a woman running off with a gypsy, only to find out after she married him that he was a wealthy, landed aristocrat! You accept someone for who they really are--and only then might you find out their secrets. I simply accepted his reservedness and never asked anything of him. I don't know how I managed that because I am a very needy person, as a certain few people can attest to. Probably because I am happily married, believe it or not. He likes that--we all like that. I don't see him often in order to keep my mind on my family--he takes me to a completely different realm when I'm with him and it takes me about a month to fully return, so our meetings are spaced out. I think something similar happens to him, too. He's talked about "recovering" and "processing" before, and he gets so exhausted! It's funny to me, how knocked out he gets, when I'm full of energy (and I'm ten years older than him!) We're all happy this way, though. I can't explain it, why this works for all of us in a monogamous culture.

Next time...Pink's song "Fucking Perfect"... for all of us who hate ourselves, contemplate suicide, and eventually recover.