Better...

I'm doing better. Not sure quite what happened- something clicked in my head, partially caused by new development in my daughter. She's suddenly becoming communicative! She actually calls me "mommie"!!! Oh my goodness, something about that woke me up, this child (no longer a baby) needs me! She wants my arms around her at night, she loves cuddling, she depends on me. She woke me up last night by tapping on my shoulder and saying "mommie--ba!" (translation: I want a bottle). And smiled at me. My GOD, this is a sentient being!!! She speaks to me! She asks for what she wants! WOW! I never thought I would have a two-way relationship with this being; it's been all exhausting care taking up until now. I'm absolutely stunned.

I think for the first time in my life, I feel like I am crucial in someone's life. First time. Husbands can eventually divorce you. Lovers get bored. Parents and siblings hurt and desert you. Friends, they come and go. And maybe my daughter will too someday, but we have a relationship now. Right now. I love our nights. We cuddle all night. She drapes herself across me. She kisses my stomach. She pulls my hair and ears and pinches my nose and we laugh and laugh! She is the reason I am working to get better now. Taking my meds, going to a therapy program soon, and working things out. I haven't touched the whiskey in three, maybe four days now. I don't want to do that to her.