Dear husband

My husband is a rare kind of man. A real caretaker with a huge heart. Who else would have put up with the mess that was me. We met at the high point of my college experience, when I was immersed in literature and writing and beginning to feel just a little bit free. We had a honeymoon period before the shit hit the fan, that is the divorce and my dad's insane obsession over this "love triangle." But once that began, what I thought would do no harm, actually did tremendous damage. My father tried to emotionally enmesh with him at the same time as I was trying to "love" his girlfriend. But my husband has excellent radar and felt something wasn't right, so he held back. He simply observed the dynamics.

I was so wrapped up in this jealousy that my father stoked at every opportunity. I used to be the center of his world, for better or for worse. Now, he had no use for me except to admire his new "possession." It was as if I was no one; I'd lost the only identity I ever had and I was an empty shell. I felt completely dispossessed and abandoned. I feel into a horrid depression my during my last semester and stopped eating, going to class, and did only the minimum amount of work to get by. I moved my mattress onto the floor so I could be close to the TV and wouldn't have to move very far for anything. I became isolated and lonely and dh was the only person I saw for days at a time. Many days I refused to get up in the morning, and this is where dh became a saint. I wouldn't have expected anyone to stay with me while I was in this state, but not only did he stay, he became my nurse. He lifted me out of bed, got me dressed, fixed food for me, held me when I cried (which was most of the time), made sure I did what was necessary for survival. This is how we lived as gf/bf for many months.

Terrified by this rage and jealousy I was feeling toward dad's girlfriend, not understanding what it meant and not being able to control it, I was happy to let dh play the role of the responsible caretaker as I let myself sink further into hopelessness. And that began our pattern of relating to each other for many years.