I think children from dysfunctional families probably experience more fear at the thought of parenting than do people who were not raised in this type of environment- mostly because of the terror of repeating their parents' mistakes and the lack of a role model to have learned appropriate parenting skills from. That was certainly the case for me, and why I let the sex problem build to such an unmanageable state. Pregnancy was always a possibility if I had sex (despite birth control) and I wouldn't allow that to happen. I couldn't promise to protect my child if I ended up being like dad. I knew enough to know I didn't have the self-wisdom and determination to be different, then. Looking back, I had so much growing to do- not necessarily growing up, but expanding. So many unconscious forces to become aware of, self-loathing to be tamed, forgiveness to be felt, rage to be expressed...thank God for my convoluted and unconventional road. At 40, I finally felt like I had done enough work to not ruin any potential child's life.
Waiting was the best thing I ever did.
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