Withdrawal from a person

One more word about this love addiction and then I'll let it go. I never expected to experience physical withdrawal from a person. The Caron time felt like detox, and not only was I emotionally miserable, I also began physical withdrawal, which continued for probably a month after returning. I had heard a lot about alcohol withdrawal at my 12-step meetings, and when I look back on it, that's what was happening. I didn't know the body could react to the withdrawal of another human being as though he were a potent drug (my therapist compares the high and then withdrawal from cocaine), but it's true. I suffered through this list, basically.
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Symptoms of alcohol withdrawal:
Anxiety
Depression
Difficulty thinking clearly
Fatigue
Feeling jumpy or nervous
Feeling shaky
Headache
Insomnia (difficulty falling and staying asleep)
Irritability or excitability
Loss of appetite
Nausea
Pale skin
Palpitations (sensation of feeling the heart beat)
Rapid emotional changes
Sweating, especially on the palms of the hands or the face
Vomiting
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Especially the shaky feeling and sweating, which surprised me. I guess it should have felt familiar, as this is similar to what I experienced during and after my father's visits, but I wasn't able to consciously make the connection at the time. Who can, when you're going through a living hell?

I was unconsciously reliving the intensity and drama of the love-abandonment I experienced when I was younger. That was the bottom line. I had to relive it in order to heal the wounds of the past. It was an integral piece of my recovery puzzle.




Enough now. I have completed this portion of my personal history, and I will allow it to grow old and gather dust in my library of experience.





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