I was involved in an ACoA group for about four years, this breakdown occuring at about the tail end of my time in that group. ACoA is a wonderful support for adult children of alcoholics and non-alcoholics, but those who experienced some kind of indefinable dysfunction, like mine. What I treasured about my group was the openness and honesty of its members. They weren't afraid to talk about the hard things-their hatreds, anger, rage, jealousy, depression...this wasn't a put-on-a-happy-face-and-pretend-everything's-fine group. No, we were honest and REAL. And cried a lot. It was the one place I felt truly listened to. The silence while I talked was healing (I think that might be the most profound aspect of 12-step programs). No advice-offering, no backtalking, just 12 listening pairs of ears. Sometime members teared up as each us spoke our truths. No criticism, no judgements. Pure acceptance. This group accentuated my faith, as this felt like what God's love should be.
Not every group connected like we did. But that's why trying out different groups is crucial; you need to find the group where you fit. These groups have different "personalities." After four years, the makeup of the group changed- older members dropped out, new members came in and the atmosphere lost its healing power for me. It was time for me to go. I have kept in touch with a couple of my fellow members; they are the people closest to my heart now.
I will write more about ACoA, but I wanted to give a short introduction, in case anyone was wondering what ACoA was all about.
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