Seek You Out

I never listened to these lyrics closely until this morning, and they touched a raw nerve.

Seek You Out (POTF)

Never said you'd promise anything
Never told to trust you blindly
Never thought you'd hurt me either

Never had a chance now ain't that so
Never should've wept when you let go
Never thought you'd push me away

Sad as it may be
I'm glad it's over finally
Speaks volumes of me
When letting go is never easy

So I'll seek you out, just to find myself
And I'll worry 'bout consequences later
I hear you out, till I hear myself
Hear myself in you

Never knew if we were really true
Never thought I'd ever get to you
Never thought I'd end up like this

Never was I stronger than I'm now
Never felt this much a fool somehow
Never had much thought for myself


I think back over my addictive relationship I, and this song fits perfectly. He never promised anything to me, he never told me I could trust him, and I asked, at the very beginning, please be gentle with me when it's over. I don't recall him saying yes to that either. I filled in all the blanks myself, I fooled myself into believing it was intimacy. It was a relationship that wasn't meant to be, and that WAS meant to teach me to be strong. It was one I had to let go of eventually when I didn't think I could. I guess there's still a part of me that tries to hold on a bit. Why else would I still be writing about something that's long past?

Honestly, in the middle of the night I started thinking about him again. And did a web search. Something has changed; he's taking his privacy more seriously now. I didn't come up with much this time, when, in the past, he used to spill his life out on the Internet (of course, I'm more than guilty of that here). I'm actually quite relieved; I think it is a good sign for him. Perhaps things are getting better, perhaps he will find a true, fulfilling relationship--or already has.

These words and the sound of the music express the entirety of our relationship, the negative and the positive, better than anything I could write.