Update...things are definitely getting better

We upped the dose of the meds. I think it's helping, because I had a decent evening with my little one. I love picking her up at daycare. The look of recognition on her face is priceless and seeing her laugh just sets my heart soaring. It's so up and down, isn't it?

I was chastised by my psychiatrist for letting this get out of control; suffering serves no purpose, she said, unless I enjoy it. I stopped to think about that. Suffering is what I'm comfortable with--enjoyable? No, I would say not. It's more like I believe I don't deserve to be at peace.

Dh does say he understands and wants to support me to the best of his ability. It's funny; I think we're getting tired of the grind and routine and we'd really like to spend quality time together without it revolving around our daughter. That's a change, a lovely change. When dh and I hug or kiss each other in front of our daughter, our 11-month-old SMILES at us! This little human already knows about love! I'm amazed at her intuition already. She points to things she wants, she flips through books and laughs, she's playing with the other babies now, too. This fascinates me: the other day I pick her up at daycare and she is poking and touching this other baby's face. Well, this other baby is just sitting there, smiling at her and letting her do whatever she wants. No fussing, no upset, just patience and a look of sweet amusement. My daughter is enjoying the game and pushing the limits with this little boy...and THIS made me think of me and my husband. The calm, gentle willow tree that puts up with (with mild amusement) the impish antics of his wife. My daughter is a wild child, a wind spirit who will need someone exactly like this little boy beside her later in life. That was quite a heady experience for a mother!


Let's see, the meeting with my lover is in about three weeks and I am having a great time doing some, ahem, shopping...to appease his fetishes (and mine). Which is actually helping dh and I because it's opening up ideas for us, too. I found this amazing shop on Etsy--the young woman makes tatted lace jewelery--NeoVictorain, gorgeous, sexy, sexy, sexy things! Here are a couple of examples (her shop is Decoromana)

I can't believe the gorgeous, professional items on Etsy, and very reasonably priced, too. Why didn't I check this out before??? And get these--mini spats for a pair of amazing black stiletto heels (from BagavondBags )...

Now, is that something or what!!!

And...

Three sisters leather wrist or ankle wrap ( from kristinmalotte--or choker, but I don't need that since a personalized leather collar was his birthday gift to me...)

And then, of course, there's more, but I'll leave it for now : )
He's so much fun; he's hinted he's done some shopping for me, too. I can't believe he and my husband get along, as well. It's very bizarre, out of this world, but fun : )

All very different aspects of my varied, strange, and adventurous life : )