I was absolutely right. The box was filled with papers that I had collected during my teenage years. I had forgotten about all this in any case, and really, I'm just going to toss it all because it is meaningless now. The insult that my father had intended hurt a bit last night, but I feel so much better today. I can picture him crying while he packed the box, acting like I'm dead. Then being angry and threatening me through the airwaves. There was a letter from him, but I ripped it up. I have no wish to engage. Now, THAT'S something completely different.
Funny, all these papers were from my Jewish youth group years. And now that I've been baptized, and I feel so differently, they simply don't mean anything to me. I mean, I remember that time fondly, the friends I made, the closeness I felt toward them, but the Jewishness was never part of my heart. God WAS, but the Jewishness was on the surface. Not at all how I feel about being a Christian.
It's mind-blowing sometimes; I keep thinking about the process of conversion and it had everything to do with my soul twin, the soul who I love and hate at the same time, but who will always be part of me. And he also, on a more earthly plain, came up with the name for my blog (not this one), which is now a vibrant community on a specific topic. It has been thriving lately and I have purchased the domain name. And the title is apt and creative and is a perfect mesh of him and me. He is a fanciful, imaginative man, and I honor that part of him. Both of these things are like a living piece of him that makes me happy and fills a void in my life. He may be gone, but his soul is still at work with me, and probably always will be.
No comments:
Post a Comment